____tear my heart open; i sew myself shut

Friday, December 31, 2004

I'M BACK FROM CAMP! (: teehees. and i'm so so happy that i went to camp! i think that camp just rocked the hell outta my skins! (: this is gonan be a long entry. just gonna celebrate loads of stuff. thinking stuff and just praising God i guess! (: yupps. camp started of really bland. lols. cause everyone was so quiet. but as time went by everyone became enthu! (: had vic as my group leader, nicholas, joel, sarah hoon, wanqi and karina in my group. i think my group is terribly NUTS! and real lame. lols. oh well maybe we do get outta hand at some times. but yeah we're cool! (: had amazing race all the way to sentosa and for the first time in my entire life i hitched a ride from a LORRY! x) lols! so cool! (: that was all thanks to karina's sweet talking to the indian man. we did a funny lame cheer. sat the cable car and stuff. yupps. when we get the photo's i'll upload them here. (: yupps. this year's theme is "step out" i think its meaningful. gonna make that my new years resolution. i'm going to step out. make new friends. reach out to God more. and step out to do something that i think i need to change. yupps. had air-coned bunks. bunk mates were TOOTlulu boyfriend laura and pearlyn. YAY! we're cool! (: hahas. the air-con was FREEZING! sighh sighh. i was shivering the whole night. and guess what lucky me got sick in camp. and i still am! ): runny nose, block nose, sore throat? but my core throat was worth it! (: i think i got it from too much singing? lols.

second day rocked! but sad to say it rained so many activities were cancelled. hahas. once of the games nicholas had his hair washed and his teeth brushed. lols. was hilarious. oh we made 2 new friends! (: jolene and ling xuan. they're cool! (: hahaha. yeah.. hm. each group had to put up a skit and in each skit someone has to die, we have to praise the judges and they would put an annoymous prop up on stage and we have to use it in the skit. was so funny! i think all the groups skit rocked! (: YEAH! oh and we all had to learn line dancing! to shalalalala.. shalala in the morning~ you get the idea. hahas. the parents came for out potluck dinenr! and they was a huge massive amout of food! (: i had to stuff myself! ): lols. we played the angel and mortal thingy. i had rui as my mortal. and tammy was my angel! (: teehees. laura taught us a new game called polar bear! and we went obsessive over the game! lols.

now to the worship and sermon and last nights worship step out session. i think that was the highlight. worship was the best! sang many of my favourite songs! and i think i had the best feeling i had during those times! it was like so meaningful in a certain way. sermon was done by amos. he's GOOD! this year's camp sermon theme was belonging- to God, one another and to the world. really inspired me lots. (: only todays sermon was a little confusing? hahas. maybe it's because we slept late last night. yeah. talked about God's unconditional love for us. a little long to talk bout it. but unconditional love summerises it. yupps.

last night was the best night in my entire life! we had worship all the way till 1am in the morning. sang the best and most meaningful songs. everyoen was bonded just like that. sag our hearts out although everyone was gettin sore throats. we had sharing of testimonies as well. i think that was when my heart felt so touched! especially for the sec 3 class and nicholas's testimony. the sec 3's bible study class was getting smaller and smaller. until it was left only 3 people. one of them prayed hard to get the class bigger. and God' sent rudolf back to them. rudolf came to ORPC when he was a kid and he left. and now he's back. thats like great! for nic. i think my heart went out to him?! hahas. sounds weird i know but yeah. was about him drifting away from God and all. and he said this "after drifting away from God for so long., coming back to God is the most painful experience." and that " whenever you physical friends are not with you. Your spiritual friend would always be there, and that spiritual friend is God." you can really really see God's blessings just through them. oh, we used lightsticks so whoever had shared would break a lightstick and by 1hour we would see how bright our "campfire" would be. dawns felt so so touched she CRIED! yupps. i think dawn is just so well GREAT somehow. she and mel are kinda like my inspirations in church. yupps.

think i never regretted going to youth camp. oh well now. new year is just tomorrow. was talkin bout school to jasmine in the toilet. lols. weird i know. but yeah. i can't believe the year past so fast. in a snack its one year. i'm going to be 15. and i think its going to be the change of a lifetime. i'm going to be in upper sec. O's are coming soon. i've got to be older and wiser. and im becoming more independent. (i sound so.. i know -.-) my class is going to have to lead worship on 2nd sundays now. its the time for us to serve God. and i think its time to appreciate everythings God has giving me. gonna write done my new years resolution and my reflection.

reflection:
i've realised i only turned to God when i'm in times of lonliness and when i'm down. but not when everything goes my way. I guess i always needed a gentle nudge to remind me God is always there. and i that God for that. he is not just a phone call away, but always by my side. when i have something, i neglet God. now its time for me to change! (: yupps. i'm going to have a constant reminder of him. God is going to be my top piority.

new year's resolution:
- i'm going to study hard. no more bochap attitude.
- i'm going to remember and use everything i have learnt and use it in my life.
- God is going to my top piority.
- i'm going to step out!
- no more cursing, swearing and bitching of people. that is something i'm going to try very hard not to do.
- learn to be more patient.
- have QT.
- start a personal prayer request, and bible journal. (im going to start counting my blessings.)

i guess thats all. its a pretty long entry. but i just sorted out everything i needed to! (:

{ tear my heart open }
3:25 pm

Monday, December 27, 2004

lalalala. sigh. time passes so fast! a while ago it was christmas is coming! christmas is coming!! now its christmas is overrrr. lols. oh well. oh oh! i'm in love with the song in sam's blog!! go listen! so super touching bout Jesus dying on the cross for us. darn nice! (: hahas. hmm. had training today. did 150m x 3. core stability 3x 20 each. calf raise 3x30 each leg. 200m x1. hahas. short simple yet tiring. i was so exhausted today. lols. i whacked out the first run. oh wells. stupid me! hahas. went to bathe. den me and val went to snatch cookies from ridzwan! lols. ate them and we felt to full to each lunch so once more we bought CURRY PUFFS! weirdo val today. she was talking about the new and improved curry puffs that could run away if it didn't like you! haha. weirdo. later we were msging charlyn. went mad in the train! stole each others phone just to msg charlyn. that funnie kukuKUEH. hahas. oh charlyn! i love you present! it says! "Nobody Knows I'm A Virgin" thanks loads! lols. came home to slack. haha. packin my things now! so much stuff! going to have a sleep over a boyfriends place tmr. gonan go over in the afternoon to watch vcd's den go to johanna's party and back again. yupps. will go to camp together with lulu! (: yay! cant wait! teeheehees. k i gotta go continue packing! (: toodles!

{ tear my heart open }
9:33 pm

Sunday, December 26, 2004

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!

yo yo people!! (: i know i'm a little late. oh well. shall update from erm 24th dec! yeah!

-24th dec-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHANNA! (: yeah. it was her bdae. woke up early, went to school to pass presents, collect presents and pass books to dom. hahas. sat in the gym fora while. had a lift from val to taka. went to meet TOOT! (: haha. went to look for angie's present. haha. we were rushing like crap. oh and i found charlyn's present too! haha. went to meet twin's at pasir ris for her church's musical. it was damn damn nice! and so many VS ppl went! MADNESS! insanity. hahas. went back later for dinenr with my fam and we went to church for candlelight service. lols! met toot and did the remaining parts of the presents and i was damn blur la! ): and that TOOT still could laugh at me. hrumpff- i forgot to bring 2 of the plastic balls. sigh. oh well. and i stepped in MUD! yuckies! haha. left the youths for supper with my fam again.

-25th dec-

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!

woke up earlie. and went for service. the sanctuary was super cold! i was freezing in there and the air-con was blowing directly at me. went to pass presents to everyone later. hahas. went out for lunch with the youths. me TOOT and nicola went to KBOX! hahas! hilarious! sang out lungs out! and the food was gross and cold! and the room was horrible! ): the rest went to paridiz or sumthing. haha. went back and off we went to pontian. the ride was disgusting! and i once more had problem with my white card! hrumpff- first it was not filled finished. this time it was cause i used pencil. stupid me. -.- hahas. the ride was so bumpy! couldn't sleep so me and boyfriend was fooling around. hahas. reached the church. had nice food. and did the play! it was MARVELOUS! everyone did splendidly! it rocked like hell! (: was so happy! hahas. and the kids there were soo sooo CUTE! went back real noisily! lols had so much laughs! joked like hell! sing like hell! hilarious! (: i went crazie. lols. thats me. me and boyfriend were laughing and laughin over the weirdest things. lols. oh and we found out! rudolf real name isnt rudolf! its weiyao! hahas. and LUCAS IS MY IDOL! oh man oh man! he ROCKS LA! he sang the phantom of the opera! it was DARN GOOD! he did a duet with serene of the All I Ask Of You. and he sang The Music Of The Night as well! i loved it! sighhhhh- hahas. got a lift back from uncle robert again. yupps. opened presents! it rocks la! i love my pressies! hahas.

-today-

had church today. sat with kexin laura mel kat huiru hanxiang. haha. it was BLARDIE COLD! worse than yesterday! and i was wearing sleeveless. sighh- and that SOOT! lazy pig. never come church! hahas. anyway all of us were huddling at the bench together cause it was freezing cold. hahas. hilarious. had youth camp briefing later. yupps. went out for lunch with my fam and went soots,mels and janice parents. had lunch with them. went shopping later. haha. went fox cause they were having sale! lols. bought a shirt and jacket and a few pairs of socks. hahas. now i'm home! (: beams- guess there's nothing much. tired tired. training tmr! sighhhhh- hahas. toodles! (:

{ tear my heart open }
4:36 pm

hey SOOT. toot lulu HERE. hahaha. yay it's just so fun to invade ppl's blog lar ! hahaha. and ah ! i hate your tag board LAR ! hahaha no wait, hate's too strong a word to use ! FINE dislike sounds much nicer ! ermms i can't seem to be able to post anything on it ! WHY ah ! perhaps your board hates me ! -pouts

hahaha. ANYWAY ! i think we carried the banners with pride yesterday and THAT little boy's super duper cute LAR. dont u think so ! too bad i didn't have a chance to say goodbye to him :( oh ! and the reason why i asked ppl to come to your blog for more details isnt cuz i'm lazy to blog k ! it's because ! because ! aiya i just felt like helping u to promote your blog MAH ! so must say a BIG thank you to me OKAY. haha yes yes say thank you to me NOW ! ((: i love you SOOT. take care ! whee ! camp's in 2 days time ! can't wait ! hahaha.

{ tear my heart open }
1:17 pm

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

weirdo toot! what makes her think that i'll blog bout yesterday so fast harh! hahas. kidding toot! (: anyway. i shall blog bout today AND yesterday! (:

yesterday.
had training then rush of to church! (: haha. had practice and briefing. cut out a few more hearts just in case. went to plaza sing with boyfriend and TOOT. went to find christmas pressies! (: YAY! i left just uhh 4 more presents. 2 of which is practically comfirm. which means 2 more left! yay! and the remaining stuff to do and im done! weeeee- had yoshiyona for dinner! had beef bowl! (: so nice! and we had a MILLION laughs yesterday! i never laughed like that so much for a long time! -laughs started with TOOT tryin to jump and hit the signboard at the MRT station! lols! Hilarious! and we had a million other laughs as well. i think we all went mad. went home together with boyfriend. yupps. came home to wrap up presents and did other stuff. haha. had conference call with boyfriend and TOOT. haha. didn't really talk much though. yupps. and then i went to bed! (:

today.
woke up bout 7. went to wash my hair and change and what-so-ever. den uncle robert, boyfriend and han xiang came to pick me up. hahas. we went for breakfast together and went to meet the rest at clementi. took an hour drive to pontian from there. haha. had lots of nonsense in the car. had rehearsal at the church. had lunch at shangri-la restaurant! lols. yupps. went back to the church for 2 more run throughs and back we went to singapore. haha. uncle robert gave me and johanna a lift home. we were listening to phantom of the opera soundtrack! lols. so retarded. we're so stuck on it. yupps. hahas. guess nothing much to say now! (: toodles.

{ tear my heart open }
7:34 pm

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

okae a short blog for now. just had training. and i'm TIRED! increased weights again. did bout 60kg today. bahh~ hahas. oh well. gonna go back to church later! having hearts. yupps. yanws- im tired. guess i better go !( :

{ tear my heart open }
2:03 pm

Monday, December 20, 2004

once more. i am B O R E D! hell yeah! bored, bored, bored. someone save me please? okay, maybe i'm at fault for being bored. cause i could be doing housework OR cleaning up my closet. eeks. guess this week is gonna be one hell of a week! busy busy busy!

HEARTS meeting at 3pm (tomorrow)
pontian trip with HEARTS (wednesday)
the day to finish up my presents (thursday)
Sam and Laura's church musical, My church christmas carols (friday)
church and pontian trip with HEARTS (saturday)

oh well. rush rush! shucks. had training today. man was it tiring! was doing lots of bounding against the wind! ran against the wind too. was so exhausted. hahas. but well it was kinda slack. went to food court to eat lunch with nessa and val. yups. went back after that. nothing much to do. oh well. so yeah gotta start cleaning up! toodles! (:

oh! lets thank GOD! (: we raised $1866.11 bucks for fund raising in just an HOUR! (:

Testify To Love
All the colors of the rainbow,
All the voices of the wind;
Every dream that reaches out,
That reaches out to find where love begins;
Every word of every story,
Every star in every sky,
Every corner of creation lives to testify

Chorus:
For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love.
I'll be a witness in the silences
When words are not enough.
With every breath I take,
I will give thanks to God above.
For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love.

From the mountains to the valleys,
From the rivers to the sea (rivers to the seas);
Every hand that reaches out,
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace (give peace);
Every simple act of mercy,
Every step to kingdom come (kingdom come);
All the hope in every heart will speak what love has done.

Bridge:
Colors of the rainbow
Voices of the wind
Dream that reaches out where love begins
Word of every story
Star in every sky
Corner of creation testify
Mountains to the valleys
Rivers to the sea
Hand that reaches out to offer peace
Simple act of mercy
Step to kingdom come
Every heart will speak
Of what love has done
Colors of the rainbow
Voices of the wind
Dream that reaches out where love begins
Word of every story
Star in every sky
Corner of creation testify

{ tear my heart open }
4:57 pm

Sunday, December 19, 2004

okae. i'm in a relatively good mood today! (: praise be to God! (: yay. hahas. guess going to church today made me better. hahas. hmm. we had fund raising today! so FUN! sold food and collect donations. man felt soOoo good! hahas. i mad $100 in just 30mins! is that COOL or what? lols. had so much fun in just an hour. haha. went out to lunch with my fam. had bakuteh! x) loved that! smmwahhs. hahas. went christmas shopping for a while with mummy. den came home. yupps. so here i am. (: happy now. hahas. toodles! (:

{ tear my heart open }
9:46 pm

Saturday, December 18, 2004

im freaking pissing myself off. ):

{ tear my heart open }
1:03 am

Friday, December 17, 2004

i think my life is the most boring thing on earth! im bored. its the hols. and im bored! get it?! im bored broke and tired, lame insane and lonely. ugh. i don't feel christmassy. whie? cause i gotta train everyday and guess what?! christmas is just next WEEK! wow. time does fly. its sickening. maybe its my fault that i don't excite my life? but what can i do? shop? there's nothing nice. i'm sick of shopping at orchard. i need to do something else. what happen to all the good old fun times! i totally have nothing to do. and when i do? i'm just feeling too tired to do anything. bahhh. i need something to occupy my day! but i feel tired after training and training is EVERYDAY! freak. sighhh. i need a REAL holiday where i don't have to worry bout what time i wake up what time i gotta run off. but yet again. when i'm home i'm bored. great! just great. its all my problem. maybe i cause all my problems?! ughs. i don't feel like doing anything but yet i wanna do something. darn it! whats wrong with me. maybe i should indulge myself with books. yeah that'll keep me busy. -slaps myself. sigh. where the hell is everyone?! they're like not here anymore. its like poof! dissapear.

sighs. christmas christmas christmas. im not celebrating the real reason of christmas! ): it was the day our savior was born! but what am i celebrating it for?? the presents and gifts and joy and sharing. man i feel selfish. been thinking loads today. and i thank God for what i have. i have a family friends a shelter over my head. i don't have a missing limb or disfigured body. and i really thank God for it. i don't know what i'll do without my parents. i love them loads! although they do nah at me so much. i take them for granted. and it is gonna stop. i'm not gonna envy anyone anymore. i'm gonna stay true to myself. i'm not gonna follow the crowd. be my own person.

{ tear my heart open }
11:33 pm

Thursday, December 16, 2004

was lookin around in the youths group webbie. found some really inspiring stories that really touched my heart! read up on them. hope you'll believe be touched and believe in him as much as i do! (:

Hold Me

When a young child wants to be held, they simply reach up their arms and
say: "Hold me!" Children may be hurt, scared, or tired; they may not
even know why they want to be held, but they know that spending time in
arms of love seems to make everything better.

And as a parent looks down at their child, they rarely evaluate them to
determine if they deserve to be held, or send them away to earn
affection; rather, they simply pick up the child and hold them with no
words even being required. In truth, moments like this bring parents
some of their greatest joy!

Matthew 18:3
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little
children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Our Heavenly Father loves us very much. He wants us to come to Him with
outstretched arms. He wants to pick us up and hold us tight. In truth,
moments like this bring His greatest joy! And yet, we spend most of our
days avoiding our Father's loving arms. We seek other forms of comfort
and work to earn our Father's affection. We pour our heart into
projects thinking they are vitally important to God's work; "Daddy, look
what I made for You!" But our best efforts are as grade school pencil
holders and disfigured flower pots. Our Father smiles at these simple
gifts but wishes we would understand.

There's much work to do for the Kingdom of God, but none more important
than loving and being loved by the One who has loved us since the
beginning of time; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with
all your soul and with all your mind ! and with all your strength" (Mark
12:30).

This can be a difficult concept for many who have not grown up with the
unconditional love and acceptance of an earthly father - but our Father
in Heaven is like none we've ever known. He created us for a
relationship of love and "gave His only begotten Son" (John 3:16 KJV) so
we could be restored to the relationship which sin stole away. Let
there be no doubt of His love and His promise; "Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

He longs for us to return! Yes, we must clean our room, take out the
trash, and treat others nice on the playground - but at the end of the
day, His greatest desire is that we reach up with empty arms and say: I
love You Daddy - hold me!

Website of Jesus.
http://www.donghaeng.net/english/main.htm#

The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die.
He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable it was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on!

Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!" I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure, and when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch
my hand. I gained love, peace, acceptance and joy; gifts to take on my journey,
My Lord's and mine. And we were off again.

He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much
weight."
So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received,
and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought
He'd wreck it; but he knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp
corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly
to shorten, scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest

places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze
on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do it anymore, He just smiles and
says...
"Pedal."

{ tear my heart open }
9:32 pm

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

boring boring boring. i need something to lighten me up! oh well. maybe tomorrow will be better! cause im going out wib TOOT! (: hahas. got squished up in the car today! had to sit on the floor! cause there weren't any chairs! there was a table there. so i had to be contented sittin on the floor! -.- oh well. hahas. was like half an hour early for training and surprisingly the juniors were already there! -gasps. hahas. had training. was good today! yay! did 10x hopping with the changing legs, 10x10bounding, core stability, calf raises and 2 striding. yupps. hahas. went pretty well! (: went back with val. she bought 1 curry puff while i drool over her eating. hahas. came home to eat lunch. im saving money by the way. watched princess diaries 2 just now! it was sooo sooo NICE! so touching and romantic. sighhhs dreamily- hahas. kidding. oh well. but it was funny. loved it! (: hahas. guess nothing much once more. ugh. boring! sighhh- toodles.

{ tear my heart open }
6:22 pm

Monday, December 13, 2004

training was good today! (: i didn't feel tired our haggard. big smiles- yay! and to think i slept late last night. bad me! TSK TSK. had 10x10 hopping, 10x10 bounding, 3x20 core stability 3sets. (: was good. had lunch with val! (: she's back!! we took such a long time to decided what to have for lunch and all of a sudden thanks to my brilliant idea i said SWENSONS! and we went. -slaps forehead. how could i be so dumb! but well... lunch was GREAT! and the prices was pretty too! ughhs. i'm eating home for the next few days! i spent 20bucks just on lunch! how smart. hahas. we both ordered chicken baked rice and a chocolate milkshake! shake shake shake! and we had a drinking milkshake competition! see who could finish drinking it first! val started it! hahas. i couldn't drink properly cause i was laughing! hahas. and val won just by a teeny weeny bit. walked around causeway for a while to walk off our food! haha. went home. yupps. (: nice day. but its boring now. hahas.

oh yeah. while sending alvina off to st nicks for trainign met angie on de way out! hahas! cute girl! we just put our thumbs on ur noes and waggled our fingers at each other and stack out our tongues! hahas. k i know we're lame. oh well. what to do! (: toodles (:

{ tear my heart open }
5:57 pm

Sunday, December 12, 2004

decided to upload the youth rally HEARTS team group pics! (: yay! pictures are a little blur though.

one big happy hearts team! (:

we look retarded here. oops. =\ and han xiangs head' has been cut off! -big laugh

and our side view! lols.

{ tear my heart open }
9:23 pm

i feel alive once again! (:

went to church late today! eeks. oh well. at least youth service hasn't started yet. it was raining and pouring! real wet day today. ughs- not a good day to start off. but service went well i guess. we waited like 10mins to see if anyone else would come in. than we started. 2nd week sunday service. joshua lead today. and johanna was playing the piano. was okae i guess. we were singing christmas carols! x) hahas. weird cause like no one was singing. its was either too high or too low. hahas! mans. oh well. service was simple today. we did tile painting of what we thought christmas was about. hahas. i drew an angel and a smiley face which was suposed to represent joy. hahas. looked weird thought. hmmm. went out with youth peeps for lunch today. was me, TOOT, lilian, steph, hanxiang, josh, rudolf, joel and another guy whom i dont reconise his name. oops. hahas. was pretty funny today. had lots of laughs and nonsense. hahas. ate at BK. im so going broke! ughh. sigh~ from today onwards i'm going home for lunch! bahh. hmm. went walking around ps. wanted to watch national treasure but decided not too. nevermind. hmm. now i'm called SOOTlala! hahas! went home after that. nothing much happen. was boring but funny. hahas. yeah. guess there's nothing much to say. i wanna chat. im so bored! nothings fun now. sighh- oh well. gotta go. toodles (:

{ tear my heart open }
4:05 pm

Saturday, December 11, 2004

One Way

I lay my life down at your feet
You're the only one i need
I turn to you and you are always there

In troubled times its you i seek
I put you first thats all i need
I humble all i am, All to you

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that i could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that i could live for

You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere
Your grace abounds so deeply within me

You wil never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that i could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that i could live for

You are the way the truth and the life
We live by faith and not by sight ... for you
We're living all for you

Now That You Are Near!

(verse 1)
I stand before You, Lord
And give You all my praise
Your love is all I need
Jesus, You're all I need

(verse 2)
My life belongs to You
You gave Your life for me
Your grace is all I need
Jesus, You're all I need

(pre chorus)
Hold me in Your arms
Never let me go
I wanna spend eternity with You

(chorus)
And now that You're near
Everything is different
Everything's so different, Lord
And I know I'm not the same
My life You've changed
And I wanna be with You
I wanna be with You

(bridge)
And I will sing for You always
'Cause in Your presence God is where I wanna stay

{ tear my heart open }
11:47 pm

i am so confused! oh mans. i seriously don't know what my mind is up to. my minds in a whirl. is it real? or is it something else? i need answers! someone to talk to me about it. i just need to know more! and i need to search for my faith. i'm losing it. somehow somewhere its dissapearing. i'm not doing what i'm supposed to whole-heartedly. its just gone.

oh well. i just hope it'll come back soon. i need it. and i want it back real fast. hmm. went xmas shopping with TOOT today. she makes me happy! (: love you TOOT! don't know what i'll do without you! hees. went to look for pressies for church peeps. hahas. took us such a long time to decide! haha. met steph and vic along the way. met johanna and her parents there too! yupps. so much coincedence. yeah. went to rush TOOT cause i was afraid i was gonna be late meeting twins.

went to twins church again! yupps. we were LATE! bad us! worship was okae. i still haven't found my enthuiasm. and i can't seem to feel the holy spirit with me. ): the sermon was nice though! the FRUIT of the spirit. not fruits. galatians 5: 22. i'm gonna live by them! (: i'll have to try. felt like i kep drifting away again! ugh. whats wrong with me. i feel like i'm not interested all of a sudden. oh well. went to laura's cell group. prayed for this girl who was feeling depressed. yupps. went back earlier with nicol. hahas. she's a nice girl! (: walked with her to the bus stop. we got freaked out by a bicycle. hahas. had a nice chat with her. yupps. went home. and here i am. church tomorrow morning! (:

holy spirit rain down on me. once more.

i need you. and i want you.

{ tear my heart open }
9:52 pm

my passion has left me ;
- i need it back again.

my life feels like its meaningless
all of a sudden.
what happen to the passion
that was full of life in me?
i think i have lost it.
everything has just dissapeared.
where has it gone?
i don't feel the same.
everything i do,
doesn't seem to have a purpose anymore.
i'm just waiting,
for it to come back again.
my life needs to be turned around.
nothing i say or speak,
comes from the heart.
so come back to me now.
i need you back again.

{ tear my heart open }
11:10 am

Friday, December 10, 2004

today went well! (: so so well! it was excellent! yay! great job people!

had training today. and it was half an hour earlier! ughs. was supposed to do weights but my back hurts! all because of yesterday! sighh- klutzy me. so i did the juniors training. quite slack but my back still hurts! -cries- hahas.

aw shucks. who cares anyway! i'm more interested in the youth rally! (: it was so great! worship was SUPERB! i loved it so so so much! if only it was like that every sunday! that would make worship session excellent! sang lots of nice songs! yeahh! although not many people turned up. sighh- was expecting the chapel to be full. oh well. we can't assume that much right?

sermon was GOOD! hahas. shucks! i forgot hs name! bad bad me! -slaps myself. he was funny! my gawds. hahhas. but it was excellent. although my mind kept drifting to elsewhere! sorrie God! but i got the message. The Faithful Christians, The Moonwalkers and the Non- Christians.

The Faithful Christians- they are the christians who keep the walk close with GOD and are struggling to be faithful
The Moonwalkers- the christians who are backsliding from GOD and people are surprise that you are a christian.
The Non- Christians- the people who have never acknowledge GOD.

i'm stuck inbetween moonwalker and the faithful christian. sighh. i feel like i'm backsliding. losing my passion. oh wells. but it was good! very good. John 15:1-8. the verse i'm going to remind myself with.

i'm tired. but i don't feel like sleeping. gonna go out wib TOOT and angie tmr! find xmas pressies! (: yay! kae guess there's nothing much to say. so toodles! (:

-i'm falling in love with you.

So You Would Come.

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Holy Spirit Rain Down.

Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down
Oh Comforter and Friend
How we need Your touch again
Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down
Let Your power fall
Let Your voice be heard
Come and change our hearts
As we stand on Your word
Holy Spirit, rain down
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No mind can know what God has in store
So open up heaven, open it wide
Over Your church and over our lives

this song is exactly how i feel. (:

{ tear my heart open }
11:35 pm

Thursday, December 09, 2004

I Dream.

In my mind
I can climb all the mountains that surround me
The spirit is there where eagles dare to fly

In my heart, there's a spark
That can light the world around me
An opened door where I am sure the dreams are
Doesn't matter if I win, or the color of my skin
Cos' the race is all about believing in yourself

And I dream, I can run like the wind and be strong
Where my heart just wants to give in
I dream I can be the hero that's in me
When I dream, I dream

There's a time in your life
When the odds are all against you
There's no defeat if all you keep is pride

First or last, slow or fast
There's a dignity that is you
Can drive you on when worlds had come aparts

Doesn't matter rich or poor
Or the things u done before
Cos' the race is all about believing in yourself

And I dream, I can run like the wind and be strong
Where my heart just want to give in
I dream I can be the hero that's in me
when I dream

I dream, of the moment that forever will be gone
And when the torches past, only dream will lasts
That is shared by everyone

And I dream, I can run like the wind and be strong
Where my heart just want to give in
I dream I can be the hero that's in me
I dream
I dream

I dream of you

{ tear my heart open }
7:17 pm

home once more. i'm tired and bored. but i just don't feel like moving my bum! i'm such a pig i know. i'm just waiting for the day i can wake up, slack, sit on the couch, eat and watch tv. but guess what. that day will never come. *fantasy poofs off* sigh. hmms. training was so tiring! my goodness. i don't know why but im so exhausted these few days! i feel so fatigue! not getting enough sleep. urks- i almost sprained my ankle and hurt my back today! actually i already sprained my ankle! ): was doing step ups. i don't know my but my back felt very weak and i couldnt hold it up. i step up onto the edge of the box and fell. weights aren't going well at the moment. oh well~

went out for lunch with nessa and dipna. ate pasta mania once more! (: den we went home and guess who we met! -winks. had a very interesting train ride! lols. haha. me dipna and nessa were being very irritating but they were irritating TOO! tsk tsk. hahas. had a fun time!! ka chiouing the 2 of them! *wink wink* oh well. guess there's nothing much to say! so yupps BYE! (:

{ tear my heart open }
1:59 pm

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

my mom is such a nag. =|

Sunday morning, rain is falling
Steal some covers, share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy,
Living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

You may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Oh, come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow, driving slow (all I need, all I see)
oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah (bones with me)
I'm a flower in your hair
yeah yeah, yeah yeah

{ tear my heart open }
10:36 pm

okies! blogging once more! hahas. nothing much happen. had hearts meeting yesterday. went well i guess? but everyone was kinda distracted la. and it was peacful without the parachute~! lols. hmmm. had lots of nonsense la. hahas. stayed back a little to play board games! lols. funny. went back later. yeahh. today had training. did the same as yesterdays training. medicine ball front, back, lunges both legs 10 times each and 2 150m 80% runs. 2 sets. hahas. so tired! came home straight today. i'm such a good girl! hahas. oh well. but im bored! sighh- but im too tired to get out. lols. did mei's blog for her!! hahas. since i was sooo freaking bored. i'm not even typing properly! goodness. guess i gotta go! toodles! (:

{ tear my heart open }
4:02 pm

Monday, December 06, 2004

i am so TIRED! -yawns woke up at like 745. took forever just trying to wake alvina up! got so freaking pissed off at her. cant she be independent! gawds. gave up on her until daddy got back and scold her and get her up. went to school for training. man i was sooo tired!

training program:
3 x 150m about 75%
3 x 20 of stomach and back
3 x 30 calf raises
1 x 200m 75%
3 x 20 stomach and back
3 x30 calf raises

yupps. was so tired out. maybe cause i lost all my speed and endurance and it was cold and rainy? guess so. went out with val later and ate pasta mania! haven't had that for such a long time! hahas. walked around abit. met many trackers there and mr mak with binsar. went to lavendar. slept in the train cause i was zonked out! and the train because crowded all of a sudden so we stood up. man i got so cramped up in the green line! i had nothing to hold so i had to depend on my legs for support and the people around we were soooo smelly! hahas. when the crowd finally left the carriage. this 3 people just REFUSED to move out to give some space. so annoying! so me and val pushed our way out for air. haha. came out of the statin and we saw the ice cream man! the one with the motorcycle and unbrella. hahas. bought our ice cream with bread! yummiee!! went to the ICA to extend her passport validity BUT they say she couldnt cause it was already been 10years! so she had to make a new one. and we we sooo bored! we had to wait a million thousand hundred years! my gosh. we went retarded just counting the numbers to her turn! hahas. went home later cause we were sooo tired out! yupps. i love VALentine! (:

christmas is coming! so is the new year! hahas. better make my christmas wish list and new years resolution soon! (:

{ tear my heart open }
7:49 pm

Sunday, December 05, 2004

today was an okay day i guess. hahas. had worship but it was a little boring. not very nice songs today. oh well. youth rally would be fun! (: yay! gonna sing lots and lots of nice songs! yay. hmmm. didn't have bible study cause we didn't have time to prepare so we just had some discussions. yupps. brain stormed bout how we wanted our bible study groups to be like and how are we going to raise some fund for youth camp this year. later went out for lunch with a few of the youths. hahas. first hour was soooo BORING! i just sat there. it was like zzzz. oh goodness. only when we went to bugis than things finally was enjoyable. hahas. had great laughs!! mannn. han xiang and joel are evil man! but its soo funny! goodnesss.. i shall not be evil too. bahhh. nothing much really happened though. so yeahh. training tmr. sighh~ i want my holiday! ughh. nevermind. going out wib val tmr after training! (: teehees. so yeah. toodles (:

{ tear my heart open }
7:19 pm

Saturday, December 04, 2004

phew- im tired! hahas. woke up early this morning just to go to church for practice.met serene and jasmine along the way. hahas. stupid TOOT and kexin! made me go HIGH! hahaahs. that TOOT. keeping singing tralalalala lalalala lalalalala lalalala~ in tune to tis the season to be jolly! hahas. wth. im NUTS! (x teehees. went to do some touching up to the banners. its looks soo GOOD! yay! CREATION. AGRICULTURE. CITY. ROMANCE. so pretty! hahas. yeahhh. than we had a run through of the play. omg. its soo well done! joshua , han xiang and laura are GOOD! give them an applause! joshua is man. han xiang is god. and laura is the devil. hahas. so cute. ke xin is so adorable! cant stand her. hahahas! she my boyfriend too! and TOOT is my laogong! hahas. man i feel weird. bahh. who cares! ^^ have many many run throughts. break for lunch and back to the run through again. me and TOOT are the banner holders! lols. hilarious. oh well.

oh yeah! SHE JUST PISSES ME OFF! stupid parachute! close your BIG MOUTH LA! sickening asshole. the first thing she came in was to shoot her mouth off at me and TOOT about holding the banner. it was like
parachute: "one person can."
toot: "its two."
parachute: "one la!"
me: "i tell u its two."
parachute: "your hands are long enough just to hold one banner already la!"
me and toot: "lucas said that TWO of us are to hold it!"

than THERE SHE GOES TO SHUT HER MOUTH UP. darn asshole. next one was to ke xin. about how she walks during the play.

parachute: "next time walk more gracefully. dont walk until so cho lo!"
ke xin head her but just walk away.
parachute: "did you hear me not?! i said next time........"
ke xin: ignores her-

hahs. go ke xin! wadever parachute! ke xin was FINE! we dont need your help! han xiang was so darn evil! lols! he said she was having fanasies when the romance part was on. lols. she was having VERY WILD fantasies. lols. oh well. guess there's nothing much to say now so toodles! (:

{ tear my heart open }
7:44 pm

Friday, December 03, 2004

my dearest em laogong/laopo,

EEEEEKKKS!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AHHH <3 style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">I LOVE YOU TO BITS MY CHERRIE WERRIE BERRIE! mmmmuuuuaaaaaacccccccckkkkkksssss!! LOVE YOU SO!!

love,
your 1 and only,
LAURA <33~

{ tear my heart open }
11:23 pm

weeee. i had fun today! (: went to town with twinnies to see the christmas lightnings! hahas. went walking the whole of orchard. from tanglin mall all the way to plaza singapura. (: so fun! tangs is sooo PRETTY! (: its purple and shiny! and the christmas decorations right at the top is soooo soo PRETTY! i went goo goo gaa gaa over them! oh and the prices are so "PRETTY" too! just for one nicely decorated bulb its 9.90 bucks. x eeks. so expensive. but so pretty! sighh- guess i shall make my christmas ornaments! (: or maybe i'll be my own ornament. that'll be nice! hees. we went to plaza sing too! they had that nice santa claus with his reindeers hanging in the air! so nice! told twinnies that i wanted to sit there. hahas. grins- we went crazie at orchard. hahs. oh we saw alot of people singing and dancing today. has. was so cool! (: and we saw a TRANSEXUAL too! not really. but. its a guy who was wearing female stuff. he was kinda flat! but he did have sexy legs! ^^ winks- and he's tall. hahas. oh well. i had a great time! (:

oh and i love my daddy! (: yay! go daddy! he finally allowed me out. phew- when he allowed me to go out he was like. "you've grown up already." that was like so nice la! i dunno but it felt so emotional. hahas. im so emotional these few days! (:

alrightyy* guess i gotta get to bed. gota be in church by 1030 tmr. ughhs- drag myself outta de bed. hahas. gonna have full run tmr b4 the youth rally. toodles! (:

twinniex/ boyfriend/ sister/ lesbo- partner ;
i love you! (:
had a fantabulous time today!
i'm gonna hold your hand! x)

{ tear my heart open }
10:53 pm

coach is the coolest person ever! (: after the dance he said talked to me saying : "cheryl, i dont think that you all have grown up with that performance. i think i was something else. something very special. i think a miracle has happened. wink- "

omg. he is so nice! (: the father of the track team! mr paul the performace was dedicated to you! thank you for everything! (:

POWER, CHAMPIONS!

{ tear my heart open }
11:18 am

Thursday, December 02, 2004

my life just turned around! (:

tonight was the best night in my entire life! (: oh yeah! oh yeah! oh yeah! oh oh! i shall start from last sunday! we had amazing race! weee~ it was like damn fun la! x) was so exciting. loved my group. was me, sasha and ke xin! weee- we were like from the middle. to near de back! we thought we were going to lose! BUT, instead, we caught up during the code breaking at pasir ris park! then we won! (: so cool! hahas. had chalet. and stupid joshua! keep picking on me! hrumpff- he tried to stuff me up with roasted marshmellows! ): which were simple good by the way! x) hahas. oh well. rushed back to school! couldn't stay over! sobs- i wanted to stay over night so badly. but i cant miss school. nevermind.

school turned out to be great! except for the project part. that was totally dreary. bored me to tears and stiffness. other than that, it was GREAT! had a fatastic fabulous time! oh yeah. TAUFIK WON! X) everyone in the dining hall totally SCREAMED when we heard his name. so happy! lols. you can totally swoon and melt in your chair once you see his eyes! x) mans. so cute! hahas.

tonight was so exciting! me val and jovina were actually totally rushing! cause onli 3 of us were ushering. which was quite pathetic. than val couldn't be usher since she was MC for the night. so cecelia took over. yupps. EMILY WAS HERE!!! x) missed her soOoo much! hahas. yupps yupps! beg dr seet to allow her to come. hahs. oh tonight! every single girl looked gorgeous and the guys were like PEE WEET~ HOT! x) hahas. I SO LOVE TRACKERS AND 2B. drools~ if ONLY if only there was such thing as best dressed academy or best dressed class. track and 2b is so gonna rock LA! x) trackers totally FLSH BAM SLAM ALAKAZAM the whole auditorium! x) oh yeah oh yeah! we rock we rock! x) [sorrie to say but im biased when it comes to these to subjects] and 2b had our 10min of fame! lols! after the whole thing we stood in front of the stage and took fotos. looking at a million camera's. hahas. but 2b ROCKS! x) ms chua was so proud of us! hahas. went around taking foto's with almost everyone although alot of people kinda dissapeared! hahas.

oh yeah! there was a point of time where everyone had to sing the school song. and the sound system went bonkers so nothing could be heard! all of us expected to hear NOTHING! BUT we heard everyone singing! that was like so COOL! loved the soccer, swimmers and trackers dance! although the swimemrs sound thingy had something wrong. anyway, singapore sports school.. ROCK ON! (:

i guess there's nothing much to say anymore. but it was a fantastic fabulous splendid supurb night! (:

twinnies;

remember to smile! (:

with me theres no such thing as ):

SMILE.

{ tear my heart open }
11:17 pm